March Madness Part One

The time is upon us again!  It is that time of the year when we gamble on basketball and any pretense of work comes to a screeching halt for the NCAA Basketball Tournament!  This year I thought I would choose my brackets solely on intuition.  To get started I peeked at some pictures of mascots from the teams in the tournament.  This was so entertaining I thought y'all might like a peek into this entertaining, yet sometimes disturbingly scary world of fanciful characters.

At first I tried to categorize them by animal, historical character or ......ugh....well Other.  I quickly gave up.  Some of them, quite frankly, defy any type of category, in fact I can't fathom how they inspire school pride at all!  And some of them, no kidding, ride scooters!

Pitt Panther

I'm not sure what the purpose of the scooter is.  When I was in school you couldn't even wear shoes on the gym floor let alone ride a scooter on it! Maybe it is made with Pittsburgh steel?

Meet Gunston.

George Mason University

This guy is a real puzzle.  Is he a Puritan?  A Pilgrim?  I don't even know what he is, obviously he is a historical character but why not name him George?  Or Mason?  Or Thomas or even Jeff?  Gunston?  Nobody can take this guy seriously.  Look at him.  At first I thought he was limping using a cane, but then I saw he was riding a scooter.  Is it me or does he look like he has to pee pee really really badly????  Is he racing to the bathroom?

Duke Blue Devil

If you have to make up a character this is a pretty good one.  But being a Kentucky gal I can't be caught saying anything nice about Duke.  Ever.  The entire state is still pissed over "that shot" (can you say Christian Laetner?).  One expects a red devil but somehow a blue one is even more fierce.  Cool blue for a devil.  No forked tail here folks, just some sort of cryptic initials on his head.  What does it mean???? You better hope you don't get that icy finger pointed at you!

Based on the Blue Devil I'd say Duke has a chance in the tournament.  Oh, on second thought, maybe it means Go To Hell Cats!?!

I'm not so sure about that other North Carolina school though.  Take a look at Ramses the Tar Heel.

North Carolina Tar Heels

If you must personify a mascot  it is probably best to make into something people will recognize.  On some level.  Is this an elephant?  Or is it an antelope with beautiful horns?  No!  It is a rock star!  I could root for Ramses I think.  But never the Blue Devil.  My coworkers  would dissect me and eat my spleen.

I have new found admiration for Ohio State.  Meet Brutus.

Ohio State Buckeyes

It took me a few minutes but I figured Brutus out.  He is actually a buckeye!  The only buckeyes we Kentucky folk like are those peanut butter candies nearly covered in chocolate to resemble a buckeye.  But you have to respect Brutus.  He is true to his roots (pun intended).  In fact, I'm "nuts" (pun intended again) over Brutus.  I love a mascot whose aggression is manifested in his name!  I'd like to hug Brutus.  He looks soft, and kissable.  If this is a contest of veracity Ohio State will go far.

Likewise, Michigan State doesn't "put on airs".

Michigan State Spartans

It takes panache to wear a dress in sports and get away with it.  He even looks manly.  Go Spartans!  But he's a young dude.  Check out "Commodore" Vanderbilt.

Vanderbilt University Commodores

Lets face it people.  He looks like a dirty old man.  Sure Vandy gets points for staying true to their mascot aspirations, but couldn't they have made him look a little less......sinister?  He makes my skin crawl when he mugs for the camera on TV.  Mothers, hold your children close.  Very close.

Rather than leave you cringing in horror at Mr. Vanderbilt's 2012 incarnation I present to you the Florida Gator.

University of Florida Gators

Being a Kentuckian I'm a "gator hater" by definition.  We sooooo wanted Billy for our own ya know.  But how can you hate Gator?  He's green.  Like Kermit the Frog.  It's not easy being green.  Hey!  Look closely.  Notice the cheerleaders.  They think they are #1!  Ha!  Mr. Gator is a closet Kentucky Wildcat fan!  He knows they are #2!  Either that or he's missing some fingers.  You decide.

Come back next time.  I'm easing you into the world of March Madness my friends outside the USA.  You will not believe your eyes at what is coming down the pike.  I never realized how diabolical some mascots can be.