"Can't Never Did Nuthin" (A bit of a rant)

Those of you who have followed for the past year know I have an elderly uncle I dearly love.  Well, he isn't able to get around as well as he once did and last winter he was afraid to go outside in the bad weather because he might fall down his steps.

As you can see the steps are slick and steep.  I decided to make him some new steps and a deck.  So the last time I was home I measured and measured and discussed it with my uncle Frank.  He agreed with my plan. I bought the lumber, sawed it to fit in the back of my truck and took a day off work with a helper in tow.  Here are some pictures of the drive from my brother's house to my uncle's trailer.

The sun was just rising when we left.

We drove along a ridge and the fog was lovely.

Its nice to see working farms.  The farmers were taking in late hay and tobacco and some corn fields were ready to combine.

I was in the right frame of mind when we arrived to start working.  Unfortunately,  that quickly turned sour when an elderly neighbor man who was a carpenter came over.  Just as we began to frame the deck he announced that women couldn't build anything.  At that time I thought he was teasing.  He wasn't. You see, I was raised in a family where work is work.  There was no "women's work" or "men's work".  If you were physically able to do it you worked.  PERIOD.   It went from bad to worse from there.  About every hour he would come back and make sexist remarks which I ignored.  He had a foul mouth and talked about his private parts as well.  Finally, I handed him the saw and put him to work when it became unbearable.  In the end the deck got built.  He couldn't find fault with it in spite of himself.  I thanked him for his help.  After all, my aunt informed me, he was good to my uncle.  I just don't approve of his attitude toward women and talking nasty in mixed company.  I'm no prude, but I do respect my elders.

The shot above shows clearly how dangerous the old steps were.  You had to step down to shut the door.  We replaced it with standard steps and a 6 x 5 deck.

Nothing fancy, but there is space for two to sit outside, and access to take stuff in and out of the house without carrying it down the steps.

While the old sexist man worried us to death it made me grateful at the same time.  I am grateful that I had a father and two brothers that never discouraged me when I built things.  They showed me how to do it and helped me and never ridiculed.  I had a grandmother that gave me a hammer, nails and an old board to play with when I was a child.  I don't remember ever not knowing how to use a hammer.  I had a mother that told me to do it again when I tried to quit because I thought I couldn't do something. I am also grateful that I was raised in a family that worked together and enjoyed it.  My uncle isn't as agile or fast as he once was, but by golly, he got out there and helped us.  I had forgotten just how enjoyable it was to work with him.

I am not a carpenter, but I refuse to decline to work by saying I can't do something.  I may not be the best at it, but I will try and I will learn.  This may not be the best deck, but as Frank would tell you "it's just fine for me".  That, my friends, is what we set out to do.

Never listen to other people who want to tell you what you cannot do.  Especially don't listen if they tell you that you cannot do something because of your gender.  I couldn't throw hay bales on the wagon when I was a kid so I drove the tractor.  I was not excused from working because I was a girl.  I stopped the tractor by standing on the clutch with both feet because I was too small to sit in the seat and reach the pedals.  I was not excused from working when we cut and housed tobacco.  I stacked it on the wagon.  I handed it off the wagon.  I was a girl but I worked alongside the men doing what I was physically able to do.  I really didn't know others weren't raised like that.

Likewise, the men in my family can cook and clean.  My father cooked.  He could fry a chicken or make candy.  He washed dishes.  My brothers cook.  In fact, one of my brothers is an exceptional cook and both, in my experience, are better cooks than their wives.  (God help me if they read this!)  They were never told they couldn't cook.  They were encouraged to do what had to be done for themselves.

Not all of my projects are successful.  Some are learning experiences, never failures.  I am so grateful that I was taught from an early age that basic fact.  I was never told that.  It didn't have to be said.  I saw it all around me.  It is so much a fabric of who I am I am still shocked when I encounter a sexist old man that tells me I can't do something because I am not a man.

Finally, I found it ironic that the whole while this old man was using foul language about sex acts and dropping "f bombs" right and left me, my helper, and my aunt and uncle were calling him Mr. Hobbs.  I truly believe that once a child is taught to respect their elders it cannot be unlearned.

I am proud to be a woman.  I am proud to be a member of a hard working, positive and honest family.

After all, Can't never did nuthin'.